Written by By Stephanie Diana Eubank
I want to start out by saying there is no shame or blame negativity towards those who are stay-at-home parents or Stay-at-home moms, also known as SAHM or SAHP. The fact is that for many families the ability to have a stay-at-home parent that does not work remotely is a luxury not all can afford. Remote work is a way for a working parent to have some work-life balance, have more time with family, and have the benefits of throwing a load of laundry in the wash during breaks or throwing some food in the crockpot so dinner is ready after work. Although I have been a mother with an infant while working from home there is a difference between the two.
Speaking from previous experiences and the current experiences relayed to me by friends, colleagues, and in my research, many remote workers with a partner who worked in person or hybrid, especially before COVID, were regarded as being SAHP and viewing their work and finances as less than. Which is the root of my post today. This being the last week of Women’s History Month in the US, it is customary (unfortunately) to deem household and childcare responsibilities squarely on a woman’s shoulders and to devalue these contributions. The fact that SAHM/ SAHP are disregarded for the hard work they do for their family is unfair and inappropriate. However, so is devaluing working parents who work remotely to attempt to have a work-life balance to provide for and support their family.
Speaking from my personal experience when I was first working from home, and my sons were infants and toddlers in my first marriage, the verbalized opinion from family and my ex-partner was that as a remote worker, I should also be able to care for my children, have a spotless home, and dress up like a 1950’s housewife and serve drinks for those working in person. All while keeping my business productivity high and being happy about my extra-earned responsibilities as a mother and primary breadwinner. But that is not sustainable! Even for SAHM/ SAHP, that view is not sustainable. Parenthood comes with ups and downs, and the acceptance that nothing will ever be perfect is a full-time job as well. Remote workers forced into this social view are expected to work three plus jobs at once.
I am truly blessed my current husband has no such expectations of me and instead works with me to help coordinate help in our home so that I can relax, work, study, research, and be a wonderful mom. I am really lucky my children and my husband all support my work and value the importance of my research to help other working parents have the opportunity to keep showing their love for their family through the hard work to provide for them and still being able to be present and at the moment with their families.
As Women’s History Month comes to a close, let us all work together to support both working parents and stay-at-home parents as they show love to their families through hard work and dedication.
Seeing how society views remote working parents and devaluing stay-at-home parents, I am seeking volunteers who are either remote working parents or stay-at-home parents to participate in a survey to look at this devaluation of work. My theory is that once we understand the hard work both sides put into raising a family and talk about it publicly the sooner, we can see the truth of remote work being a great tool for helping with mental health in the workplace by creating a work-life balance and not an excuse to shame people for having children.
If you are interested in participating in this research, please send an email with your name, contact information and a link to one of your social media sites preferably LinkedIn to stephanie.eubank@wickedbofthewestremoteconsulting.com With the subject Remote v SAHP.
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Dr. Stephanie Diana Eubank DBA Remote Team Research (AKA Dr. Bear) 