The Leadership Disconnect: Navigating Authenticity and Criticism for Women Leaders

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By: Dr. Stephanie Diana Eubank DBA

Women in leadership often face a unique and persistent challenge: the double bind of communication expectations. While assertiveness is celebrated in male leaders, women who exhibit similar behaviors are frequently labeled as “aggressive” or “abrasive” (Lim, 2025). Conversely, when women soften their tone to avoid criticism, they risk being perceived as lacking authority or confidence (Muselman, 2025). This disconnect creates a frustrating paradox for women striving to lead effectively while remaining true to themselves.

The Criticism Behind Tone and Assertiveness

Feedback such as “don’t communicate so aggressively” often stems from entrenched gender norms that equate leadership with traditionally masculine traits like dominance and decisiveness (Eagly, 2024). Women who challenge these norms by speaking directly or advocating strongly for their ideas may encounter resistance, even when their approach mirrors that of male counterparts (Mann, 2025). These criticisms are not always malicious; they can reflect unconscious bias or cultural expectations within organizations.

Rather than internalizing such feedback as a personal failing, women can view it through the lens of managing up understanding their manager’s perspective while maintaining authenticity (Forbes Coaches Council, 2025). This approach allows leaders to take criticism “with a grain of salt,” using it as data rather than a directive, and to refine their communication style without compromising their values.

Authentic Leadership as the Antidote

Authentic leadership emphasizes self-awareness, transparency, and alignment between values and actions (Avolio & Gardner, 2005). For women, authenticity is not just a leadership style—it’s a survival strategy in systems that often demand conformity. Leading authentically means rejecting the notion that success requires mimicking dominant norms and instead embracing one’s natural strengths, such as empathy, collaboration, and integrity (Batra, 2025).

Authenticity also mitigates burnout. Research shows that behaving in ways misaligned with personal values is exhausting and unsustainable (Center for Creative Leadership, 2025). Women who cultivate authentic leadership practices—such as clarifying priorities, setting boundaries, and communicating with intentionality—are better equipped to thrive and inspire trust.

Managing Your Boss While Building Authentic Leadership

One of the most overlooked leadership skills is the ability to manage upward—strategically, influencing and aligning with your boss while staying true to your own leadership identity. For women developing an authentic leadership style, this concept is especially powerful because it shifts the narrative from passive compliance to proactive partnership.

Why Managing Up Matters
Managing your boss isn’t about manipulation; it’s about creating clarity, trust, and mutual success. When you understand your boss’s priorities, communication style, and decision-making process, you can anticipate needs and position your ideas effectively. This not only strengthens your credibility but also ensures your team’s work aligns with organizational goals.

Authenticity as a Strategic Advantage
Women often face pressure to conform to traditional leadership norms—assertive yet not “too assertive,” collaborative but not “too soft.” Managing up authentically means rejecting these rigid expectations and leading from your values. Instead of mimicking someone else’s style, leverage your strengths—whether that’s empathy, strategic thinking, or adaptability—to build influence without sacrificing integrity.

Practical Strategies for Managing Up Authentically

  • Clarify Expectations: Schedule regular check-ins to understand priorities and successful metrics.
  • Communicate Your Vision: Share how your approach supports organizational goals while reflecting your leadership values.
  • Offer Solutions, Not Problems: Frame challenges with actionable recommendations to demonstrate initiative.
  • Build Trust Through Transparency: Be honest about constraints and progress; authenticity thrives on openness.

Managing your boss is not about diminishing your voice—it’s about amplifying it in a way that fosters collaboration and positions you as a trusted leader. When done well, it becomes a cornerstone of authentic leadership development.

Remote vs. Leadership In-Person: Different Dynamics

The rise of remote work adds another layer of complexity. In-person leadership often relies on visible presence, spontaneous interactions, and nonverbal cues to establish authority and rapport (Gaffney, 2025). Remote leadership, by contrast, demands heightened clarity, trust-building, and intentional communication to compensate for the absence of physical proximity (Younger, 2025). Women leaders navigating remote environments may find that tone and word choice carry even greater weight when visual context is limited, amplifying the risk of misinterpretation.

Authentic leadership principles apply in both settings, but remote leadership requires additional strategies:

  • Structured communication to prevent ambiguity.
  • Empathy-driven engagement to maintain connection.
  • Technology fluency to foster collaboration across distances.

Managing Your Boss While Building Authentic Leadership

One of the most overlooked leadership skills is the ability to manage upward—strategically influencing and aligning with your boss while staying true to your own leadership identity. For women developing an authentic leadership style, this concept is especially powerful because it shifts the narrative from passive compliance to proactive partnership.

Why Managing Up Matters
Managing your boss isn’t about manipulation; it’s about creating clarity, trust, and mutual success. When you understand your boss’s priorities, communication style, and decision-making process, you can anticipate needs and position your ideas effectively. This not only strengthens your credibility but also ensures your team’s work aligns with organizational goals.

Authenticity as a Strategic Advantage
Women often face pressure to conform to traditional leadership norms—assertive yet not “too assertive,” collaborative but not “too soft.” Managing up authentically means rejecting these rigid expectations and leading from your values. Instead of mimicking someone else’s style, leverage your strengths—whether that’s empathy, strategic thinking, or adaptability—to build influence without sacrificing integrity.

Practical Strategies for Managing Up Authentically

  • Clarify Expectations: Schedule regular check-ins to understand priorities and success metrics.
  • Communicate Your Vision: Share how your approach supports organizational goals while reflecting your leadership values.
  • Offer Solutions, Not Problems: Frame challenges with actionable recommendations to demonstrate initiative.
  • Build Trust Through Transparency: Be honest about constraints and progress; authenticity thrives on openness.

Managing your boss is not about diminishing your voice, it’s about amplifying it in a way that fosters collaboration and positions you as a trusted leader. When done well, it becomes a cornerstone of authentic leadership development.

Moving Forward

The disconnect between expectations and reality for women leaders will not disappear overnight. However, by reframing criticism as context rather than command, embracing authentic leadership, and adapting to the nuances of remote and in-person environments, women can lead with confidence and integrity.

Organizations also bear responsibility. Leadership development programs must dismantle systemic biases and create cultures that value diverse leadership styles. Authenticity should not be a liability—it should be the standard.

References

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